


Conflicted Consuming Feelings like Chains Wrapped around One, Keeping One Chained to the other they Love”

by UnknownMusing



Series: "How can you choose not to Feel?" [1]
Category: Star Trek
Genre: Bond is actually four-way, Khan is out of the cryotube, M/M, Multi, Pining James T. Kirk, Pon Farr Bond, Pon Farr: when Vulcans experience during this time sexual violent awakening, Slight BSDM, Slow-burn sexual intercourse and feelings, feelings and more strong empathic abilities., mixed with dash of Fifty Shades of Grey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2019-11-04 22:29:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17906858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownMusing/pseuds/UnknownMusing
Summary: “Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. It’s continuing mission to explore new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations, to boldly go where no-one has gone before”Star Trek – Main Opening Quote from all the TV Series Collection and Movies





	1. Part 1 of Spock and Kirk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GhostGurlGamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostGurlGamer/gifts), [ThatRedBean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatRedBean/gifts), [purplesocrates](https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplesocrates/gifts), [slashyrogue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashyrogue/gifts), [Hanni Bunny Lecter (carrionofmywaywardson)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrionofmywaywardson/gifts), [DaringD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaringD/gifts), [TheSeaVoices](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSeaVoices/gifts).



** Jim Kirk’s P.O.V:  **

****

_“May I?”_

_“Wait!!? What are you planning to do to me?”_

_“A **Mind Meld.”**_

_“A what?”_

****

_So, you understand in my way, you must allow me to read your mind and show what will happen if Romulus wins. **”**_

Elder Spock – from the Future – says, holding out his hand in a certain way towards my face and slowly, knowing I have to do it if I want to get off this planet covered completely in ice and convince Spock on the Starship Enterprise right now he is wrong in the choice he is making.

 

“Alright.” I agree, making him reach out and place the tips of fingers on my cheek – one below my eye and the others resting close by – then tense, a hitched gasp escapes from me followed by my head tilting backwards to stare upwards.

 

_A strange swirling mass of a Time-hole of multi-coloured hue to reveal a strange silvery ship with spinning discs making a strange humming noise._

_Capture and dragged over to a metal table, pinned down as clamps immediately snap around wrists and tighten, followed by face coming out of the shadows._

_Voices whispering like snakes slithering across each-other to keep warm and soon a harsh cry, followed by a hand gripping a chin forcing it to be turned to look into harsh, cold and now unforgiving eyes._

_Exiled onto an icy planet, while above the Red Matter is used to destroy one’s homeworld in the sky and tears starting to run down fine cheekbones, while one strokes the ring on their finger with the initials K and S – Live long and Prosper – engraved on them._

_“Jim, my Love, may you always remain in my **Heart** forever and forever.”_

_A whisper, followed by head bowing down the last of the Vulcans now weeps heavily for those who have been lost._

_Particularly the one who been the man they loved with all their **Heart** – James Kirk-Spock_

 

I pull out of it, harshly with laboured gasp like I’ve been forcefully starved of oxygen and just getting it back, followed by my legs collapsing from underneath me then Elder Spock, grabs hold of me before I fall onto the cave ground and pulls me close to him.

“Haaa…No more….It’s hurts….It hurts.” I gasp out, feeling him bring one hand up to cradle the back of my head sifting his hand through my hair to calm me as both of stand in icy cave, listening quietly to the howling wind ravaging outside the surface of the planet.

 

* * *

 

_“YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS!!! DID YOU REALLY CARE YOUR MOTHER DIED AT ALL OR WAS IT ALL FOR NOTHING? MAYBE SHE DESERVED TO DIE.”_

_I hadn’t meant for the words, I thought of saying to him when I finally got back onto the Starship Enterprise in that way and yet, anger was boiling in my veins then he lunges at me, starting to fight me in the main bridge area as Scotty – or Montgomery Scot –  who come with me from the Ice Planet, Uhura Nyota, Bones try to stop us both then I’m suddenly slammed down onto the one of the seat control panels hard by him with one hand on my throat, tightening it so much I can feel bones starting to grind together within it._

_No!!? I don’t want…to die. Can’t breathe._

_My vision is starting to fade in and out of focus, blurring everything and bringing one hand to his wrist try to communicate to him in some way to stop choking me then feel suddenly distantly to my shame and horror, my lower half which his groin is right up against is responding to what is happening to me._

_It is only when Bones, shouts to Spock “Goddammit, Spock…Stop it now….Your killing him, can’t you see that?!!!” and my throat is soon released causing me to deeply inhale with laboured gasp, followed by coughing weakly in the process then whimpering, fall onto my hands and knees in front of him, lifting my head to look at him shakily._

_“Don’t let him touch you around the neck. As I mean choke you. This will force a **Pon Farr Bond** to happen between you_

_Future Spock’s words, come back to me with harsh clarity and reality that what had just happened then trembling heavily, say the words to him seeing how he is looking at his hands in shock, horror and disbelief he just nearly killed me. But now it had just become worse – he had forced a **Pon Farr Bond** on me._

_“What….have I done?” He whispers, relieving himself quickly of duty and leaving me alone still on my hands and knees, followed by soon heaving violently onto the polished bridge floor then soon swaying unsteadily fall to one side with muffled thump._

_Blackness rolls in, covering my vision and I sink into unconscious state. I remember nothing from thereafter._

 

Fluttering my eyes open, I lay under the duvet cover gripping the pillow tightly to anchor myself because of the memory I had just experienced. It had been twelve years since it, yet Spock was doing nothing about the **_Pon Farr Bond_** between us and every-time I stand next to him in the Turbo-lift feel the chain almost between us becoming taught trying in vain to draw us together only for him to snap the links every-time he steps away from me.

Flinging the cover back softly, I swing my legs out of bed hearing my intercom communicator beeping on the bedside table and picking it up, answer it.

_“Yes, Kirk here.”_

_“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!!!? Don’t you know what time it is? Were supposed to be on the away shuttle to the Enterprise at 0534 hours. Get over here, now.”_

_“Alright…Bones….just calm down. I’m coming.”_

Stumbling almost in the process, I begin to sort myself as best as can and get changed quickly in my uniform hearing Bones shouting to hold the shuttle for the Captain with someone complaining in the background then finally rushing out of the Apartment, after locking the door behind me.

Bones is waiting outside, the shuttle engines blowing a fierce breeze and causing his hair to be whipped about in the process. I rush over to the away open shuttle doors and grabbing my arm marches me inside the interior. Doors hissing shut behind us and pushing me down into a chair, right next to Spock who stiffens slightly even though there is one empty seat between us.

Bones, has chosen to sit behind us in the very back to maybe give me and Spock time as the shuttle travels to the Enterprise then wetting my lips, turn my face to look at him and see he is keeping his face forwards not looking at me.

“Spock…..we need to talk.” I say, making him clench his hands slightly and turn his face to one side to close his eyes slightly, soon making decision.

He turns to look at me, piercing me with such a gaze it makes flinch slightly at it and opening my mouth, again try to speak. Yet, the words won’t come to me and close it, turning to look at the Enterprise appearing waiting in the large space hanger bay above Earth.

* * *

 

The Turbolift humming, fills my ears – almost like a soothing hum – as I stand next to Spock, while both of us head to the bridge and wrapping my arms around myself, grip them tightly with both hands trying in vain to will my heart to stop thudding against my ribcage.

_Why are you ignoring me, Spock? Why are you ignoring this **Bond** you’ve created between us? Why?_

Flicking my gaze to him, I want to speak to him about the **_Bond_** he has accidentally created between us and yet, every opportunity I tried to make doesn’t come because he excuses himself then taking a deep breathe in, step out just as the doors slide open with a hiss my wrist is grabbed and I’m slammed back against the back of the Turbolift.

The doors slip shut on us both, while the lift has gone into emergency stop and the lights have dimmed to green meaning a power failure at the same-time hands grab my wrists to slam my hands above my head tightening heavily at the same-time he bends his head down to my neck.

This makes me tilt my head backwards, gasping breathlessly at the touch of his lips against my bare skin – after he pulled my collar down slightly – and he presses his body close to mine, placing himself between my spread thighs – which I’ve parted for him.

He begins to trail them up and down, bringing his tongue out to lick upwards tasting my sweat and making me mewl heavily with my hands unclenching and clenching against the polished Turbolift wall then a growl escapes him, causing him to grab one of my thighs, hitching it up around his waist and starts to grind his hips into mine in such a way it spreads neurons of bright white light spreading throughout my body.

My eyelids flutter heavily, breathless gasps escaping me and his harsh grunting in my neck. Feeling his hand tighten on my thigh he grips tightly in the process and bringing my other leg up to join its twin around his waist then real life comes back, the haze breaking with my communicator beeping and Spock, tenses against me realising what he is doing to me.

He let’s go of my wrists, pushing my thighs wrapped around his waist off and slips away from me, while I find myself slipping downwards to collapse on the floor then bringing my hand to the communicator, press it gently.

_“Kirk here.”_

_“Everything alright, Captain? There was minor power collapse causing emergency power to come on in certain parts of the ship and the Turbolift to the Bridge.”_

_Thank you, Lieutenant Uhura. No, everything is fine. Kirk out.”_

She cuts off, ending communications between us and the doors slide open to reveal an empty corridor which lead to the sleeping quarters and Spock, trying in vain to control his emotions steps out walking away to leave me laying there alone as the doors slide shut with a hiss and the Turbolift resumes its journey to the Bridge.

 

* * *

 

Sitting in the Captain’s chair, I look once more at the holopad showing the information on the mission to the Class “X” planet – Vernus 211 – which seemed to be some kind of Ice Planet where a Federation Science Research Shuttle had lost all contact after reaching the surface of it.

Reaching for the communicator, I call for Bones to come to Bridge and hear some kind of disturbance coming through like he was stumbling over something to reach it.

“ _Bones? Bones, come in…Bones!!!?”_

There is no answer, followed by me sighing heavily and getting out of the Captain’s chair head to the Turbolift telling Sulu to take the seat while I go and collect our Head Chief Medical Officer.

Stepping into the interior, I press the panel to locate where Bones is and see he is still in his sleeping quarters, followed by taking my hand of the panel to place down by my side then reach the floor, stepping out to head to his sleeping quarters and go to key in the override code when the door hisses open to reveal Bones, looking slightly rugged, hair mussed and lips swollen.

“Bones, is everything alright? You didn’t answer the communicator.” I say, making him bring a hand up to sift it through his hair and he goes to speak, only to close his mouth not knowing what to say to me at first.

“I’m sorry, Captain. I’ll be on the Bridge as soon as I’m presentable.” He replies, stepping back inside as the door slips shut with a hiss and heading back to the Turbolift, look back one more time wondering why it felt like he was hiding something from all of us.

(TIME SKIP)

After returning to the Bridge, I head over to the Captain’s seat after Sulu has returned to his station and go to sit down, only to turn to look at the viewing screen at us travelling at warp speed then a hand touching my shoulder, gently makes me turn my head to see Spock, looking at me with some kind of concern.

“He’s fine. Just….needing some time to get ready.” I say, bringing my hand up to pat his hand and he pulls away from heading back to his station leaving me alone followed by sitting down in the soft chair. “Mr. Sulu, how far are we from our coordinates?”

“ETA in 6 minutes and 45 seconds, Captain.”

“Uhura, assemble away team. We need to find and locate the planet for any chance of survivors from the shuttle.” I say, looking over to her and she nods in reply starting to plan the away team.

Spock, who is busy at his station seems to be not talking to her like when he usually did when it came to planning away teams down to a planet and look over to him, watching him work silently.

Hands deftly moving across the panel, eyes scanning the information that comes through the system and stills lifting his head up then turning it to look at me, while I turn my face back to the viewing screen in front of me.

“Chekov, find somewhere for us to land on this planet.” I say to Pavel, who begins searching for somewhere for us to land the **_Enterprise_** or hopefully land, while Bones looking more better has come onto the bridge now.

Getting out the chair, I hand him the holopad and he flicks his gaze over the information, while Chekov indicates for me to come over then shows me a suitable site where we can land the ship instead of hovering in orbit around it.

“Alright, Mr. Sulu takes us into atmosphere and head to these coordinates _34(3)55(6)_. Chekov, I want readings of whether it is possible for us to walk in this planet’s atmosphere as the Holopad didn’t really provide much information about it.” I say to the young Russian lad, who smiles at me and bringing my hand up for some reason to ruffle his hair affectionally.

_“Kaptain_ , stop messing up my hair. Great now have to restyle it. And also….keep out of my secret whisky stash in the future, the both of you. I’m talking especially about you Mr. Bones.” He says, making me laugh softly at the fact he known all this time and pat his shoulder lightly to reassure him is secret whisky stash would be fine.

“Well, it was very good whisky. Had a brilliant kick to it and nice smoking tang.” I reply, making him playfully whack my arm and smile down at this young man – who my mind, he was the Soul embodiment of the **_Enterprise._**

I just hoped the gut feeling telling me something is going to go wrong, was not right and everything would be fine. We would discover the shuttle and survivors then head back to the Starbase – Yorktown 2-A – has the original was still being rebuilt ever since the attack by the emotionally, discharged and abandoned Balthazar Edison – called Krall, when he started to change to being on the planet that Jaylah came from.

Another amazing young person, now starting for the first time in the Starfleet Academy and doing well last time I had heard from her with her work. She was insisting on doing the Engineering Classes to show the men in it that even any female could do what they did.

Scotty, had become her mentor and icon, while one could say a sort of Father and daughter type relationship was forming between them. Keenser had adopted one of the Teenaxi and called it Kevin, who loved nothing more to shred my yellow uniform shirts to shreds whenever he got the opportunity to attack me in the corridors.

Though how he got into my room and did it to my socks. Well that I would have to talk with Scotty, about at some point because if it continued I would have to buy more socks.

“Well, it’s got no sign of life-forms. Well, that’s what info it says on this.” Bones says, coming over to stand next to me as Spock, comes over as well with his hands clasped behind his back and watching the white clouds rolling past over the ship until we break the cloud-line to reveal a strange, fascinating world.

Chekov squeals for some reason, which makes me see why as a large bat-like creature with round oval mouth which opens up to reveal circular rows of teeth in rows behind rows followed by starting to lick the viewing screen then pull back frowning at it, sniffing it. It looks at us, tilting its head to one side with curiosity and pulls back to head-butt – literally head-butt – the glass.

  “ _Don’t you even think about, you, strange thing.”_ I mutter, when suddenly a large jerk chooses conveniently and inconveniently to jolt the entire ship in the air wrenching it downwards causing me to fall heavily as Sulu, grits his teeth along with Chekov as both of them try to pull our ship up.

Spock, grabs me before I roll to slam against the glass of the viewing screen only for suddenly the whole of the Enterprise to turn upside down literally frightening the hell out of me and see the others have managed to place the safety harnesses on.

“SULU, FLIP HER!!” I shout, feeling myself and Spock slam into the viewing screen at the sametime another figure slams next to me holding Bones tightly in their arms to reveal it is Khan.

“What…..fuck….are you doing here?” I grit out, only for Sulu and Chekov to soon manage to flip slowly the Enterprise only for it to start to spinning like a disc in the air as I turn my face looking to see a large mountain and only have time to shout “BRACE YOURSELVES. PREPARE FOR MOUNTAIN IMPACT!!!” Over the large intercom throughout the ship.

My internal thought being something else entirely.

_I don’t want to die. I don’t want…to die. SPOCK!!! HELP ME!!!_

* * *

 

 


	2. Part 1 of Khan and Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the Sametime Spock and Kirk are getting it on in the Turbolift

** Khan’s P.O.V: **

_“SPOCK, STOP WE…NEED HIM ALIVE!!! HE’S ONLY CHANCE TO SAVE KIRK.”_

_Spock, his Vulcan anger coming off him in waves and he pulls his fist back looking at me breathing labourly underneath him with blood starting to trickle the side of my chin from my split lip._

_I look at him, waiting for the inevitable when suddenly he punches me across the face again knocking me unconscious as soon she has said those words._

_During my unconscious state, I can hear muffled voices talking followed by a sharp prick making tense slightly and turning my face see blurry Kirk, weak and pale lying next to me with a blood transfusion tube between the gap of the two Hospital beds._

_I want to stop them, but I’m too weak and sink into deeper state of unconscious state._

_Remembering nothing from thereafter._

 

A laboured gasp, followed by shooting my eyes widely with my back arching off the surface I’m lying on and back down again with my chest rising and falling heavily under the Starfleet grey ash uniform shirt I wear followed by my vision clearing to reveal I’m lying in some kind of sleeping quarters.

The light is dimmed down low and sitting up swing my legs off the bed to place my feet flat on the floor with both my hands gripping the bed edge for support. Soon hearing the door slide open with a hiss. I keep my face neutral, showing no emotion as I turn to look over the shoulder at the man who had woken me up this time.

Leonard “ _Bones_ ” McCoy – this Enterprise’s Medical Officer.

 

* * *

 

** Bones’ P.O.V: **

_“You…..have some explaining to do...”_

_“Dammit, ain’t you a cranky one. Quiet down, though. Technically you’re not meant to be here.”_

_“Evidently, dear Dr. Leonard Marianne “Bones” McCoy.”_

I bristle slightly at the fact he knew my all full name and go over, heading around the bed to stand in front of him then cross my arms over my chest looking down at him.

“You…are so full of yourself.” I say, stating an obvious fact about him as he stands up and pads towards me like a predator stalking its prey then brings one hand up, cradling the back of my neck to pull me flush against his own body making me grunt slightly in pain.

Both of us stare at each-other, until he tilts his head slightly and leans in close to my lips, making me turn my face to one side to not look at him.

He moves his hand to cup my chin, stroking my cheekbone lightly with his thumb and licking my lips to wet them bring my hands up to rest on his chest, turning my face to look at him.

Khan leans down once again, being taller than me and kisses me lightly on the lips, forcing it to become bolder with him moving me backwards to place me up against the glass window of the sleeping quarters – where outside the stars are zooming by in blurs of multi-coloured hue as we travel at warp speed – one hand grabbing hold of one of my thighs to hitch around his waist at the sametime his tongue explores every inch of my mouth to soon entangle with my own.

Enticing it, to explore his moist, cavern and changing position find I’m having to breathe heavily through my nostrils like he is then my communicator beeping interrupts the haze were both in.

Shattering it

.


	3. Part 2 - Khan and Bones

** Bones’ P.O.V: **

_“Leonard!!? Bones, look at me….LEONARD MARIANNE BONES, OPEN YOUR EYES, PLEASE!!!?”_

Khan, shouting my full name makes me groan heavily and wincing slightly, flutter my eyes open to see thankfully the ship is right way up then look into his concerned face, followed by actually seeing the ship has been neatly sliced in two by a large pinnacle of rock shaped like an upright fang.

The left hand side were in, is completely wrecked with the control panels smashed to pieces; screens fizzing in and out of focus and sparks flying in some places then hear a groan coming from a pile of debris, making me rush over to see it is Sulu gritting his teeth at the pain which is going through his body.

“Sulu, hang on. Let’s get this off you.” I say, reaching underneath as Khan, comes around the other side and helps me to lift it off him.

It’s when the ship part were in starts to tilt dangerously that all three of us stare at each-other and begin to hurry before the ship goes over the edge.

 

* * *

 


	4. Part 2 of Spock and Kirk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for short chapter. Still trying to figure out how to write this one and may need a Co-creator to add more depth into this story as it has been a while since I last saw the movies.

** Kirk’s P.O.V: **

“ _Captain? Kirk?........ Jim?”_

Spock’s voice comes in from afar, making me shift weakly with a pained moan when I feel him probing my body for injuries and flutter my eyes open to see a blurry image of him looking down at me.

_“Spock.....What happened?"_

I gasp out, going to sit up when violent shiver makes me hunch over myself and he reaches for me pulling me close to his warm body. One hand pushes my face into his chest, while he wraps himself around me and the heat coming off him… _Fuck!!!....He’s so warm….compared to me….Are all Vulcan’s like this..._ then lifting my face to look up at him, see is trying to control his emotions and the   ** _Pon-Farr_** **_Bond_** we share between.

Taking a deep breath, I lick my lips to wet them as they seem to have dried out and willing my heart to stop thudding against my rib-cage press my lips against his to test his reaction feeling him stiffen at it then suddenly a growling escapes from him, followed by taking hold of my jaw as he smashes his lips into mine with such force I have to wrap my arms around his neck for support. 

I feel myself falling backwards with him getting over, kissing me so heavily it is like he is devouring me in every way. My body feels like wicked tongues of flames are burning it up from within and it becomes more heated as he entwines his tongue within mine, while one hand slips underneath my Captain's yellow uniform shirt making me release my lips from his to give a breathless gasp of his first name.

  _"T'sagai."_

 

* * *

 


End file.
